Mar 26, 2024
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If you facilitate events, training or meetings, chances are you have had to navigate conflict or tough conversations. These are normal and unavoidable. And, they are not easy.
So, how do know when to shut them down and when to invite them in? How do we know how to ensure enough safety and respect for all present?
Below are a few tips to consider:
- Thank the individual for what was shared. Acknowledging real feelings and opinions is important, and does not mean you will move into dialogue or that you agree. Candor and authentic thoughts should be encouraged. Doing harm is not. For example: “Thank you for bringing in such a personal focus on this topic. Clearly, this is important to you. Because we committed to not talk about [topic] in this workshop, I will hold any further discussion of this topic and ask you to continue outside this space.”
- Carefully determine what to do. Because tough conversations and discussion are often unexpected and can surface from one moment to the next, knowing how to respond can test even the most skilled facilitators. You need to decide how far to let the conversations go while guarding against harm and that the intended learning is not compromised. For example: “This conversation seems important to some of you in the group. For this reason, I am going to suggest we take a 15 minute-break. During that time, I ask that you carefully assess if you want to continue learning with us. If you are otherwise focused please feel free to not return. My responsibility is the safety and respect of all who are here, so I ask that you seriously consider if you can return and re-commit to our Guidelines.”
- Give participants time to feel and process their feelings. Whether you decide to invite dialogue about a challenging topic or not, if feelings have been triggered or have been involved you will need to decide how to make room for them. Sometimes a break will be needed to help the group refocus. For example: Take an unplanned break – “Let’s take a 15-minute break so we all can refocus our attention and return more able to continue learning together.”
- Ask the group how they want to acknowledge what happened. Sometimes it is best if you, as facilitator and holder of the space, decide on a course of action, and sometimes it is best that the group decides. For example: If the event is almost finished, moving the ‘off-topic’ conversation to after the event can make most sense. However, from time-to-time the feeling or disagreement feels important for what you are learning or doing, and not stepping into it will feel disingenuous.
- Ask the group for permission to move forward. Regardless of how you decide to handle the conflict or disagreement, it is important to get the group to consent to allowing the workshop to continue. It can feel like a re-start, and getting the group to agree will help. For example: “I feel like this conversation has been helpful, but it is now becoming more personal and only relevant to a few in the room. If you are okay, I would like to ask the group if we can take a short break and pick up our work after that.”
- Take a deep breath and look around the room. Your decision about what to do will not be easy. Consider deeply and trust your intuition. Inviting participants to stop and take a deep breath can also be helpful.
- Invite time for silence. This can be helpful for the facilitator as well as the participants. This can invite a ‘sober second thought’, introspection, connecting with our bodies, and time to calm down. Feeling triggered by other people’s words can happen unexpectedly and unintentionally. Using silence from time-to-time can be extremely helpful especially when the topic is heart-based or charged. Solo activities should be designed into the day.
- Invite small group work. This helps to equalize the group and invite in all voices. Powerful voices are often amplified in a room when they are the only ones invited in or heard.
- Remind everyone of your group commitments/guidelines. This should be created on Day One and reviewed every day in a multi-day event. Sometimes you may need to review them after lunch or during an especially tough session.
If you do decide to open up the space for tough and potentially conflicting opinions, find ways to maintain safety and respect. A few ideas for this are below.
- Agree to ground rules. If you have already committed to these, you may need to remind participants of these or add to them before starting. You need to ensure no harm is done.
- Consider using a talking/sharing circle. This will help to ensure everyone has a voice and is heard. This practice has been gifted to us by Indigenous Peoples around the world, and it is as powerful as it is helpful.
- Check in with the group. From time to time, it is helpful to ask the group as well as individuals if the process and space feels helpful and safe.
- Don’t allow the conversation to trigger you. As facilitator, you need to remain neutral. Once you get hooked into an emotional argument with another participant, you lose your role in the room and the ship may be captain-less, which can increase anxiety in the group. You are responsible to hold a safe space.
- Be ready to shut it down. If you sense in anyway that harm is being done, you will need to decide if you can redirect or if you need to stop the conversation and move to another space.
If harm is done, restorative techniques may be needed. Here are a few things to consider:
- Name that harm has been done. It is important to be clear about this. This will help everyone understand what you do in response.
- Invite a restorative process with the group involved. Most likely this will need to happen at another time, but you can decide that with the injured person.
What tip have you found especially helpful in your practice?
Jeanette Romkema is GLP Senior Consultant and Co-owner. Here are more blogs by Jeanette.
With gratitude to the following individuals for their input and wisdom: Annie O’Shaughnessy, Sara Dolinger, Jared Obenchain, Kate Jerman, and Rebecca Miller. Each of these individuals was a participant of the GLP Foundations of Dialogue Education course in October 2022 where some of these ideas started to germinate.
As well, gratitude to the recent GLP client Eurasia Foundation who wrestle with this challenge on a regular basis and named the need for a resource such as this. May these tips offer a few more tools for the important work they do.